If you’re native to planet earth and haven’t yet protected yourself from the media bombardment it might be time to crack out that old colander you never use - and glue it to your head. That’s right, they’ve got us right where they want us.
Stuff I genuinely believe(?):
1) There’s no point in working any more because bankers spend your pensions on blow and hookers. Respec’. Oh, and the Benefit Scheme provides you with a token Lamborghini and a summer holiday home for signing on to the Dole. Win!
2) If we leave our houses nowadays the paedophiles will get us. It matters not how old you are, they will get you (if only because you’re not expecting it). Be very afraid and don’t trust anyone.
3) Everything in life just got really unaffordable all of a sudden – ‘bye bye’ afternoon heli-trips to Saint Tropez, ‘hello’ 0% APR on DFS perma-sale sofas.
4) Fun has officially been banned in the WHOLE WORLD. Doing something impulsive that may or may not have major ramifications of your employment status is high treason. Buckle into the corporate machine and be happy to be drip-fed enough to buy you’re own place in 70 years. More people in the UK have AIDS than Jobs.
So, instead of 1) going to work, 2) going out at all, 3) spending any money or 4) fulfilling basic human needs – we’ll stick ourselves in-front of the TV because that’s all we can afford or be bothered to do – watching paedophiles get those idiots who still go outside. Idiots.
Good job the adverts are picking out some good tunes then, right?